Putting Jesus center of my life

During prayer meeting today, the head was filled with problems and worries. It overcome me so much that I forgot how great and big my Lord is.

That if He has bring me to it, surely He will bring me through it.

Looking back at last week how tired i was after the work that work became a chore rather than a passion. I was running on my own strength to get past each day, it was certainly draining on myself to crawl towards the end of Friday.

Reflecting how i got through the week i will have to Praise the Lord for the little victory.

1. Worshipping together with my volleyball girls in preparation for Singspiration refreshes.

2. Sharing devotion with the school helped me to reflect on my journey with God.

3. A secondary 1 volleyball girl took the step of faith to try praying and it was a good time to teach them how to pray. Showed me that seeds were being sowed. Hallelujah!

4. Prayer today to get my girls together in prayers.

Lord rejoicing in the many victories shows how you are there, why do i of little faith overlook your presence during the tough time that all i have to do is tap appoint your strength. Lord, lead me into the new week with you.

Friday with Felicia

Hallelujah!!

Lord i'm so blessed to have a good friend felicia who is like a big sister to me. Yesterday dinner was fabulous with the indian food. It wasn't so much of the food but the fellowship and testimony that we shared with each other.

How much God has seen us through our trails, His hands on both our family. The point that we want to give up but yet he preserved us and give us the strength to carry on living. Amen

Lord i want the joy in my heart, and trust u. How to trust you when i have been growing up so strongly independent.

Jacob n Joseph

Recap from last week bible study lesson

Abraham's Faithfulness

Being old in age, to keep on to the promise that the Lord will provide a child and yet after having a son the Lord tested his faith by getting him to sacrifice his son. Abraham faithfully did ask the Lord told him to.

How did he do it?

To sacrifice something that you have been waiting for and when it's given, He's going to take that away..it's seem crazy why will God do that? Abraham obey God because he knew to trust God over his experience that God's plan is worth trusting no matter how crazy it may sound as it's a test of faith.

Today's bible study was on two person.

1.Jacob

Jacob's name means deceived. In his life story, we can see that he deceived the brother of his birthright as Esau wanted to satisfy his hunger desire. Rebekah's favouritism over Jacob got him to deceive his father for his blessing. In the end, Jacob got deceived by his uncle to work 14 years before being able to marry the woman he loved.

Lesson learnt

1. Forward Looking

Do we give up long term goal just to satisfy a short term goal.

Birthright = inheritance of the family vs one meal to fill the tummy (I'm sure you can weigh which benefits more) Are we blinded by things of our desire?

Now: The endless craving to satisfy my tummy vs the health aspect of life

2. Favouritism

Bias actions leads to Jealousy (Further elaborated in the story of Joseph)

Now: Jealousy of siblings

On the way back to his family, he heard of Esau bring 400 man to find him. That he was scared of the brother taking revenge. He planned and separated the family into two, one to attack while the other one escape. One night he was alone, the he wrestled with the angel and his name was changed to Israel. The next day, before he met his brother, he fall to his knees to seek for repentance of his brother that leads to the reconciliation.

3. Seeking for help

In times of difficulties, what do we do and who do we turn to. Jacob, cried out to God to bless help and the humility of bowing his knees in seeking for reconciliation. Do we hold our pride or do we have the humility to admit our mistake in times of wrong.

Now: Reconciliation of my siblings and parents

2. Joseph

Favouritism is seen to be passed down from one generation to the next. In Joseph's story, he was the oldest child of Rachel and the second youngest out of the twelve children Israel had. Joseph received a colourfull coat and was given special treatment as compared to his brothers. Thus, it created jealousy, anger and bitterness among his brother that they plotted to get him sold.

4 P's in his life

Pit: Thrown into the pit by his brother and sold to the Ishmaelites

Potiphar: God bless Joseph and Potiphar's family

Prison: Sent to prison as being accused by Potiphar's wife, yet he prosper in prison

Palace: In a day, he was changed from prisoner to governor

Lesson Learnt

How did Joseph prosper despite all that he faced?

It was his relationship with God that kept him going and believes that all God's plan is all well despite suffering. His parents must have taught him well, for him to survive these hardships in the pit and in jail. Thus, as teacher i should also keep the values of God and impart it to the students.

His attitude towards God was sincere and have the faith that all things works out for the good God promises. In the end, the dreams that he dreamt came true.

Next homework

What are the experience in my life that God has blessed me with?

Story of Noah and Abraham

I'm a transition person!!

Sister Sandra always remind me every bible session and helping me to see how i can make a change in my school including my volleyball team. The reaffirmation that a leader or mentor can give. Thank you God for Sis Sandra <3

Today bible study topic was on Noah and Abraham.

I've learnt three main lessons

1. How the different nation and race came about.

2. Abraham's faithfulness and trust in the Lord

3. Knowing that God can but he didn't

A topic of how different nations came about in the car with Jo last tuesday. It got me wondering hey where did it really came from. Today i found the answers to my question from the oldest book in the chapter of Genesis 11.

Reference from Wiki

"A united humanity of the generations following the Great Flood, speaking a single language and migrating from the east, came to the land of Shinar, where they resolved to build a city with a tower "with its top in the heavens...lest we be scattered abroad upon the face of the Earth." God came down to see what they did and said: "They are one people and have one language, and nothing will be withholden from them which they purpose to do." So God said, "Come, let us go down and confound their speech." And so God scattered them upon the face of the Earth, and confused their languages, and they left off building the city, which was called Babel "because God there confounded the language of all the Earth."(Genesis 11:5-8)."

This give the start of different races came from the three sons of Noah.

• Japheth's descendants - Europe & Asia
• Ham's descendants - Africa & Eygpt
• Shem's descendants - Arab

Funny how it evolve into the different skin colour or eye colour. It's like the different type of mangoes we have in the world. Ain't our He a creative God.

Abraham trusted God enough to even sacrifice his son. If you put me in his shoes, I think the first word that comes out will be "Siao"! Yet he didn't even bargain with God that we typical singaporean will do. Such obedience comes with trust.

There must been other promises that he has experience God's love that He still can be so faithful to trust. I'm amazed as he will feel anxious, scare but yet he was still sensitive to God's voice. Learning from this a lesson to be taken away...Are we still sensitive to His voice despite the troubles, problems and disappointment. To trust in the Lord to guide our path, if that is hard look back at the tough times that you overcome with God's grace and love. In those experiences, similarly to Abraham can we find strength and trust in walking the narrow path. Knowing that God will give us tests in life to test our faith, remember God won't put you through a test that you cannot pass.

The other big question is that we as human wants to find the answer to every single question in life. Some of it we can't even understand, we get angry and upset at God.

Knowing that He can but He didn't

People falling sick to terminally diseases, after much prayer and fasting they are still not cured. Why?? Didn't God hear our prayers?? Are we not faithful enough??

That is how I got into depression, i got so upset with God and the world after my sister and mother got into depression as i couldn't understand why these things including my operation occurred in my family. There were no answers. I turned into a bitter and angry person. Yet God was still loving me despite my selfish thinking for myself. He sent people to shower me with care and love. At that time, i seems to be in darkness that no joy can enter as my heart was harden. I still had hope to life for i was scare to die, hope came from God that through counseling and feeling his present help me to know that God still love us unconditionally.

No matter how bad we are, our Father still love us to even pay for our sins to save us.

A Saviour and A Father

Love you more each day Lord :D

Who Am I

I am a Christian.

I love Jesus for He has loved me and changed me.


How has He changed me??

It starts from the very moment in my mother's womb.

In the womb, the doctors had already prepared my parents for the worst that this child maybe retarded. Despite of knowing that my parents were still brave enough to accept me for who i am and decided to keep me. In their hearts, they must be praying desperately for me to be normal. On the day 14 July, when i was born the first look the image of being retarded has feared her and to her did look like a retarded child. However, prayers were answered and the doctor say that i was too active to be retarded.

Healing 1: Born as a Normal Child. (Hallelujah!!)

Growing up as a child wasn't a smooth road, sickness stuck almost every year from Primary 3 onwards and i was in and out of hospital seeing different specialists. Not until i joined a sport, that was when everything started to turn around from healing to blessing to even today i will say that it's a gift from God to have the ability to do sports.

Living an active life builded up my immune system over the years and through sports it taught me many things in life. The most amazing things through sports was that I found out more about God and accepted Him into my life.

Looking back He had my path all well planned out though in every path He has set in place many trials and tests to test my faith.
The most difficult test in now that i am struggling to find out who i am, who He is and what has He done in my life.

It was a tough few years being through two operations and facing with my sister's & mother's depression.

I couldn't understand why all these things happen could it be God punishing me?

Similar to my mother, I've been blinded by the fears and the sorrow that i have forgotten what the Lord has done for me.

Healing 2: A stronger immune system and gone with the impurities

I've been blessed by the Lord to have gone through the operation to remove all the impurities in my body and to be more wholesome in Him. Though fears of the future operation may occurs time and time again but after the bible study lessons early this year knowing the roots of diseases. I've confident in the Lord that i will not go through any more of such operation.

Yes it come with faith and living out this faith, trusting and praying the Lord has the best for us.

i was quite upset with my sister's depression for it has left a scar in my heart. The trauma and the fear of my mother falling into depression, i couldn't take it anymore that i too felt that i was falling into it too. I can sense the darkness in the house, the rebellious side of me started to emerge. It was another me, a fearful little girl facing the world all alone. That what the devil wants me to think and i fell into his trap. Slowly i pull myself away from friends and church that i really felt alone, the stress of work was also eating into me or overtook me at certain point of time.

I became very angry and bitter, hating everything in this world. There was a point of time that it seems like there was no reason to live, everything seems meaningless. I felt like a ghost floating around the world each day but what woke me up was a friend's attempt to commit suicide brought back the memories of a beloved friend who past on in the similar ways in my JC years.

Then i told myself, it was the most selfish and painful thing that one can leave behind. It was just running away from the problem. Indeed i was just running away from my own problem, no i can't do that!!

I need to find the meaning of life or the joy in life. That was when i found Jesus again, through the praying and crying I felt his presence wrapping his hands around me and saying "I'm here my child".

He brought me back to the time of my sister's depression and showed me what i was struggling with. I always felt USELESS during that period of time, i blamed myself for not treating my sister better and not being to help much just hiding in a corner, crying out to the Lord. "Father i don't know what to do know but will you help her to get better" It scares me so much that i refuse to live my room and to knead down in front of my bible reading Psalm 31.

Psalm 31[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David.
1 In you, LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.
2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.
4 Keep me free from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.
5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
deliver me, LORD, my faithful God.

6 I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
as for me, I trust in the LORD.
7 I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
8 You have not given me into the hands of the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

9 Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and body with grief.
10 My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,[b]
and my bones grow weak.
11 Because of all my enemies,
I am the utter contempt of my neighbors
and an object of dread to my closest friends—
those who see me on the street flee from me.
12 I am forgotten as though I were dead;
I have become like broken pottery.
13 For I hear many whispering,
“Terror on every side!”
They conspire against me
and plot to take my life.

14 But I trust in you, LORD;
I say, “You are my God.”
15 My times are in your hands;
deliver me from the hands of my enemies,
from those who pursue me.
16 Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
17 Let me not be put to shame, LORD,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and be silent in the realm of the dead.
18 Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

19 How abundant are the good things
that you have stored up for those who fear you,
that you bestow in the sight of all,
on those who take refuge in you.
20 In the shelter of your presence you hide them
from all human intrigues;
you keep them safe in your dwelling
from accusing tongues.

21 Praise be to the LORD,
for he showed me the wonders of his love
when I was in a city under siege.
22 In my alarm I said,
“I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.

23 Love the LORD, all his faithful people!
The LORD preserves those who are true to him,
but the proud he pays back in full.
24 Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.

He will help the helpless and save the weak, we know and trust that our God will deliver us from our sorrow.

In the helplessness state i was in that was all i could do, He showed me that He used it to bring the family together and open the hearts of my parents to see more of Him. In His timing, they too will come back to Him.

Thank you Father for being a healer, comforter, provider to me over these years that i rejoice for who you made me to be.

Love you Jesus

Amen

True success

In my search for my purpose in life, I picked up this book You're ALL THAT. It is about understanding God's design for my life.

The first chapter: Self ... Gone missing
Talks about the real us. Have we gone missing in losing the strong sense of personal identity that I do wonder WHO AM I?

It's a journey I'm going to take to know more about myself.

The second chapter: Drill to the core of your identity
I like this sentence, " if we live from the core of our spiritual selves, we have INSIDER information that spills over the OUTSIDER intuition and awareness."

Four truth about us
1. We are uniquely made in his image
Having this relationship with God to find out what He has called us for and live it out.
• I getting to see the picture of mine, He has given me my strength in the area of teaching especially in sports. Being able to race and be good at it but it was also a process of bringing me down to my lowest through faiures and disappointment to show the all the races were to gain approval from my family. After a while, I got tried of it and unable to work with the expectation of winning for the sake of gaining love. However, it will be a waste of talent if I don't use it for His kingdom. I'll still race but with the intension of sharing my testimony of how He has change my life through sport and racing. It's no longer just winning the medals and title, that is just a mark to improve my physical but the whole purpose is to win souls.
Let those who see me race see the Father

2. We have a purpose on earth
Recognizing it and taking charge of my life to work towards this purpose. Empaizing on both thoughts and emotions

Why??

Leading to the third point

3. Core is our spiritual
"it is out of your spirit that your mind and emotion take shap. It is out of your mind and emotion that you speak and act."

Real identity flow from the spirit deep within

That doesn't come from how we view ourselves, it come from how God view us.

4. We are His jewels
So precious to Him. We are worth so much in His eye that He is willing to save our life. Similar to how much a parent will sacrifise to give the best to their children. However, then as teacher I see many parent not knowing how to express their Iove to their children, thus, the child may think that he/ she is unworthy of their parent's love.

Looking at my parents who don't really express much but never once let me go hungry or homeless. Thank you God though they are not the best in bringing up children for they follow their own parent but they are the best parent that I can ever have. I learnt to treasure them and love them even more than I used to, re ignoring that they were too the plan of God to bring me into this world.

Praise you lord!!

I'm Accepted!

Glad to be back in the house of the Lord and recognising that He is all that i want.

In the last few years, it has been a journey of trials and testing that He has been using it to mold my character. Today i finally understand what it means by coming before Him and doing His will, serving for His kingdom and the joy of the Lord will be my strength. It so much easier to do it with Him leading rather than on my own strengths, though it is still not easy to be in this world and not of it. I'm still learning and take encouragement from His word, that speak life as the values of the world is still the same yesterday, today and forever. Human nature and sin are still the same too.

I realise that it's more than believing and waiting but it's believing and doing. Guess that's the next level of being a Christain. In the past, it was just believing and doing until it came to a point of questioning why i'm doing it. The rational behind doing what we are doing rather than to blindly doing what we are being told to and certainly it is not easy as the heart always wants a reason to everything.

Over the past few month, i ran from both home and church because i couldn't feel the love that i want to find. It is because that i was angry with God for the things that had happen to me and my family. I couldn't understand why and i didn't want to understand it for the pain was too overwhelming. However, taking a step back to take a look at it all, His love brought the family closer together and helped us to understand each other better.

It taught me to love my family and spend time with them, it feels uncomfortable and strange letting them in and the defend machinism put up a strong front at first. But now i'm enjoying the time spend with them, listening to them share their life and sharing my with them. The fear from the past is being let go knowing that now this family is being LOVED by the Lord and because of His Love, we can freely love.

Now i'm perfect fit after my two operation, thank you Lord for making me whole again. I found out yesterday from belle that it's my gift to pick up the skills of sports so quickly. Lord, if this is one of gift from you please teach me how to use it for your kingdom and not to be so tough on myself.

Thank you Jesus for Loving me and accepting me.